How to Not Be Nervous Before Sex

Woman and Man Kissing on Bed

Some people get nervous before sex because they have an all-or-nothing mentality about sex. They think they need to have sex immediately or else it won’t work out.

Luckily, there are several ways to overcome pre-sex jitters and have a fulfilling sexual experience. These tips include open communication with your partner, self-education, and practicing relaxation techniques.

1. Take a deep breath.

Taking deep breaths is a great way to relax your mind and bring you back into your body. It’s something you can practice during the day in non-sexual situations, but practicing it before sex can help you connect with yourself and your partner more during sexual activities as well.

Many people who have sexual anxiety experience performance anxiety, or the fear of not performing well. This can manifest itself in a number of ways, from worrying about getting an orgasm to concerns about having enough lubrication. It can be a very real and common concern, but it’s important to prioritize your connection with your partner over trying to reach a certain level of orgasm.

In some cases, sexual anxiety may be a result of past trauma or negative experiences that have been imprinted on your subconscious. It can be helpful to work with a therapist or sex therapist to learn more about how these experiences have impacted you.

Another thing to remember is that everyone gets nervous before sex. It’s normal, and it can be a sign that you have a good relationship. It’s also a sign that you care about your partner and want to be as close as possible. So don’t beat yourself up over feeling nervous, because that will only make you feel worse.

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2. Focus on your partner.

For many people, sexual anxiety can stem from a variety of factors. It can be triggered by things like past traumas, feelings of incompatibility with their partners or lack of foreplay, or even issues related to a struggle with achieving orgasm. Sometimes, it’s caused by self-esteem struggles or internalized feelings of shame that lead to feeling bad about themselves in bed. And for others, it can be brought on by the fear of pain or even a desire to avoid sexual intimacy altogether.

Performance anxiety is also a common source of nervousness in relation to sex. Perhaps you feel like you’re not as good in bed as porn stars, or maybe you think you won’t be able to satisfy your partner. Whatever the cause of your nerves, talking about it can help alleviate them.

One of the most important things you can do is not to overthink your sex experience. This can be a major turn off for both you and your partner, and it makes it more difficult to enjoy the moment.

Instead, focus on connecting with your partner in a physical way that doesn’t require sexual acts. This may include cuddling, holding hands, or engaging in other forms of intimate touch that can be as pleasurable as intercourse. And remember, if you’re experiencing any pain or discomfort during sex, it’s important to communicate with your partner about it immediately so that they can adjust their approach.

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3. Talk to your partner.

Talking openly with your partner is a key to having great sex. That means discussing everything from your partner’s wants and needs to their fetishes, kinks, and simple technique requests. The more you and your partner are on the same page about what you want to do, the more confident you’ll feel in the bedroom.

It’s also important to have an open dialogue about your nerves and how you are feeling during sex, says Wright. This can be a huge relief to your partner and normalizes how nervous you may feel in the moment. Plus, you might find that your nervous thoughts aren’t unique at all and they can actually serve as a helpful warning sign to stop before things go too far.

If you’re struggling to overcome your anxiety alone, a sex therapist is an excellent resource. They have experience treating all kinds of sexual anxieties and can help you find techniques that work for you.

Embrace your body and your sexuality, and don’t forget that sex can be an amazing source of pleasure in and of itself. You just need to start by embracing your own sexuality and confidence and then sharing that with the person you love. With time, you can change how you view sex from something that is scary or overwhelming to an enjoyable and pleasurable part of your relationship.

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4. Relax.

It can feel really good to let yourself go, especially in the heat of the moment. But if you’re not in control of your thoughts, they can take over and sabotage your pleasure.

Thinking of sex as a performance can make you self-conscious, anxious and tense. This can lead to things like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or even difficultly experiencing orgasm.

Instead, try to view sex as a pleasurable experience. This helps put you in the right mindset and eliminates nervousness.

One way to do this is by practicing some deep breathing and meditation exercises before sex. You can even use calming music to help set the mood and get you in the zone.

Another thing to do is to visualize the outcome of sex in your head. This can be a great way to soothe feelings of uncertainty and can also be a great aphrodisiac for both parties.

It’s also a good idea to shower and remove any makeup before sex so you’re ready to roll in bed with a clean slate. This will also signal to your partner that you’re comfortable with what’s going on. Lastly, don’t forget to smile! This can be a great icebreaker and a great confidence booster. And if all else fails, just remember that the other person wouldn’t be there if they weren’t into you.

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